Whereas advanced Doms and subs can use this tool to stay on track with the lifestyle in their relationship. This gives beginners a way to start the kink conversation with their partner and learn their likes and dislikes. Surprisingly, both experience levels benefit greatly from using a traditional power exchange document. While advanced kinksters sometimes believe they are only useful for newbies.
Beginners in BDSM are sometimes reluctant to create one because they think they are just for hardcore veterans. There has been a lot of debate lately in the kink community about who these written agreements are best for. Are BDSM Contracts just for beginners or for the more advanced? That way the dom sub contract becomes more like a guiding representation of your relationship, and doesn’t get easily broken. This can contain each individual rule you are currently working on. So what do you do instead with all of your everyday rules that change and adapt with time? One thing you can do is create a separate note or shared task list. It’s much easier if your written agreement focuses more on the broader rules of your dynamic and the overall principles of each person’s roles. This is because they will have to add and update the document as new rules are added or taken away. This can also be a sign of topping from the bottom.Īlso the Dom can become very overwhelmed. This can go bad for several reasons.įirst, if a submissive slips from their role and says or does something disrespectful, they could use the excuse that what they did or said wasn’t specifically mentioned in the contract. One of the biggest mistakes I see couples make is to try to include every rule they have in their dynamic. Just as important as what to include in your BDSM contract, is what not to include. However, always make sure you feel comfortable with everything it includes (or doesn’t include). There is no right or wrong way to write one. I’ve seen contracts that are just one short page, and others that are a dozen pages. Remember, this is your contract, so make sure it contains anything you feel strongly about. For example, is there a trial period, or will this relationship be indefinite? You can also include your boundaries on whether or not either of you can have other partners, or practice consensual non-monogamy. You can also include how long the BDSM training or dynamic will last. Here is a list of other topics to include:
It can be mostly sexual, or include emotional and physical aspects. Other things that are good to have listed in it are the start date, and how long the relationship will last. It will also explain a sub’s availability: is this part-time, long distance, 24/7, or total power exchange? My Dom and I practice 24/7 TPE, so our contract reflects that. It clearly spells out the roles expected for each person and what these involve. PRESS + HOLD TO SAVE THIS IMAGE AND SHAREĪ BDSM contract contains what both parties will and won’t do. To read more of what’s actually included, be sure to download yours for free. “The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the submissive to explore their sensuality and their limits safely, with due respect and regard for their needs, their limits, and their wellbeing.” Here is an example of the formal wording from the template: Plus, it’s incredibly sexy to discuss sexual rewards and punishments openly and out loud with your partner. If you’re just talking about what you like and don’t like in bed, you’re basically having a regular vanilla discussion. While your negotiations do not have to be as elaborate as Fifty Shades of Grey, it should be more than just a conversation. It’s done at his work, at an office table. They cross out and add different items to the list. They also discuss her hard and soft limits as a potential sub. In the movie, the characters Anastasia and Christian amend their Dominant and subdominant contract. Your BDSM contract should be somewhat formalĮveryone has probably seen the Fifty Shades of Grey contract scene. And they are used in real-life scenes, just as frequently as other tools like floggers and riding crops. A BDSM contract is a written document showing consensual agreement in power exchange dynamics. Despite that, they have been an important, real-life tool used by the kink community for decades. A lot of websites now sell sample BDSM contracts online (you can get ours for free simply by clicking the image above).Ī printed out, BDSM contract was a huge focal point in that mainstream fictional erotic story.
Many people have even tried to capitalize on this frenzy financially. This is mostly thanks to the Fifty Shades of Grey books by author E. Are real-life BDSM contracts really a thing?ĭom sub contracts have gotten a lot of attention over the years.